Given that we've been discussing Tiger Parenting quite a lot the past few days, I think it might be interesting to see the other end of the spectrum when it comes to parenting styles. I found this intriguing article about parents who reject the notion that demanding and rigorous parenting is the best for their children here.
http://www.theatlantic.com/education/archive/2014/12/elephant-mom-timeof-tigermother/383378/
The whole concept of "Elephant Parenting", in which strict, demanding parents are switched out for nurturing and protecting parents, is the exact opposite of Tiger Parenting. There is so much made about the risks and benefits of aggressive parenting styles, but we never really hear about the other end of the spectrum. The very fact that there exists such a spectrum shows how much the world is changing, and how much debate exists on the age-old, primordial instinct of parenting. Interesting.
I think that really, the best form of parenting is a combination of the two. While elephant parenting sounds nice and cute, kids definitely need to learn on their own. "Helicopter parents", or parents who are always around their kids, are generally not a good thing. We often hear stories of the mother who emailed a company after her child applied for a job. That kind of parental control over the kid's life is not beneficial for the kid, as he or she will not be able to become independent.
ReplyDeleteI definitely agree with you. Heavy doting can also lead to problems such as the kid trying to be independent, but falling back to his/her family because he/she has no clue how to really take care of his/herself. Purely using elephant parenting could cause a child to always have to depend on someone else; while it's okay to lean on others once in a while, independence and self-motivation are still strong factors in adult life.
DeleteI found this really interesting. I like the idea that it's okay to baby your children because they have the rest of their life to grow up. At some point though, the coddling needs to end so the child learns to do things on their own. When I was little, I watched my dad make lunch for me and my brother from the breakfast table. He would always remind me that in 6th grade, this would be my job and I would make my own lunch. Then when the first day of 6th grade came it had been ingrained in me for so long that I was almost excited to make my own lunch. Some parents make growing up too harsh of a process, and I think elephant parenting definitely has value.
ReplyDeleteWhat about not having a parent to take care of their children, like the spartans? Clearly, those children who grew up fending themselves developed a very strong, independent attitude towards the world. I mean, yes, it's not a friendly approach, but it seems like this option is being entirely neglected.
ReplyDeleteI think that the type of parent one turns out to be depends on the environment they grew up in. That is, perhaps parents from Asia are stricter because strict parenting was essential for one to succeed in life. I think it does explain why many people with strict parents turn out to be not as strict on their children, they h ave seen that it is not necessary in the environment that we live in.
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ReplyDeleteI think that parenting is such a complex and subjective matter that you cannot altogether stratify in to one technique, even within individual families between children different parenting techniques might need to be employed. It really all depends on the child. Also it depends of what the goals of the family/ goals for the child are. If the child has decided they want to go to an ivy league college, maybe it is more appropriate to be strict on academics, but if the child has decided that they want to be an athlete the focus of the family might be elsewhere. Also some of us innately lean towards certain traits, some being more kind, organized, or academically oriented. So many factors must be taken into account when parenting.
ReplyDeleteI think that parenting is such a complex and subjective matter that you cannot altogether stratify in to one technique, even within individual families between children different parenting techniques might need to be employed. It really all depends on the child. Also it depends of what the goals of the family/ goals for the child are. If the child has decided they want to go to an ivy league college, maybe it is more appropriate to be strict on academics, but if the child has decided that they want to be an athlete the focus of the family might be elsewhere. Also some of us innately lean towards certain traits, some being more kind, organized, or academically oriented. So many factors must be taken into account when parenting.
ReplyDeleteThe best type of parenting need a parent that shows the child the benefits of trying hard and allows them to make their own decisions, and only intervene if the decision is very bad. The child is not going to learn anything if the parents make all of the decisions for him or her. A parent that is too strict or a parent that is too lenient does not give the child the actual support to help make good decisions for their future.
ReplyDeleteIt is quite hard to say if such a style is that effective. While this ensures that the child will have a mentality which promotes a much greater ease with school, there isn't an incentive, outside of the student and peer pressure that will enable the student to strive for high marks. Perhaps in differing competitive environments, specifically at higher competitive ones, such parenting would be good. I think that a mix of the parenting is best. Having expectations that are relatively high, however mixing the aspects of both could allow high expectations which are more forgiving than the typical tiger mom. Really it all comes down to the interpretation of the respective child as they are individual in thought, and are the only true judges of such things.
ReplyDeleteI think that the elephant mom may be a little too lenient. The best kind of parenting would be somewhere in the middle of tiger mom and elephant mom. Instead of forcing a child to take all the hard classes and learn every sport and instrument, encourage them to choose what they want to do while still setting a certain standard. Another thing is to not put down your child if they don't get an A and instead tell them to do better next time and give them some advice on how to do better. This being said I'm not sure about how effective this kind of parenting is, but I'll still take elephant mom over tiger mom any day.
ReplyDeleteElephant parenting, in my opinion should be combined with Authoritative parenting to get the best of both worlds. To have a parent who cares and empathizes with the stress and daily struggle to succeed as a student, but a parent who pushes you and motivates you, knowing and telling you that you can always do better. Strictly Tiger Parenting will create motivation and success, but empathy from elephant parenting develops the self-worth that every stressing students deserves to understand. Parents should both motivate their children as well as amplify their confidence and feeling of self-worth (to a healthy extent).
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