Reading the two articles about the "Tiger Mother" phenomenon posed some interesting questions for everyone in class today, so I thought I'd write a post with some new perspectives. I think we're all pretty quick to agree that pressuring your toddler to the point that she breaks down in the second grade is too far. However, maybe some parts of Amy Chua's method have some value to them.
To help explain, I'll offer the personal example of my younger brother. He is in 8th grade, and has always had issues focusing in class, productively completing his homework at home, and remembering to turn in completed homework the next day (even when prompted). He much more prefers to spend time playing video games, and when left on his own, he will tend to browse Youtube and start up the Wii before he opens up his backpack after school.
My parents realized that my brother had work ethic and concentration issues at the beginning of middle school, and when they did, they started to implement harsher parenting techniques, similar to some of the ideas of Amy Chua and commenters on the "Revenge of the Tiger Mom" article. A. Andros replied to the article with a clear bulleted list of his ideas for strict, effective parenting. Among them, I found relatable situations in my home. Ever since middle school, my parents have implemented rules such as "No TV, computer or cell phone goes on until homework is done." and "All homework is reviewed by a parent prior to bedtime." for my brother, as laid out by A. Andros.
When read in the context of the entire list, among suggestions like "Set expectations high -- don't put a lousy "B" up on the refrigerator," the points that my parents enforce would be harsh in combination with all the rest. However, my parents only enforce a few key rules that make sure my brother gets his homework done and is able to turn it in the next day. Because of these changes in middle school, it is clear he has become more self-sufficient and hardworking. If more of these tactics were forced on my brother, or if the same few tactics were forced on a different child who doesn't have as acute focus problems as my brother, it would not be as effective. Furthermore, because my brother is in Junior High, he is old enough to handle the restrictions my parents set, and is starting to understand how they may benefit him in the future.
Based on this, doesn't it seem as though Tiger Parenting in moderation is effective? I believe the extent to which it should be implemented is highly situational, based on the age, personality, and needs of the child. What do you guys think, is Tiger Parenting reasonable when used selectively? Any personal experiences you wish to share?
Here's the link to the Tiger Mom article I'm referring to: click
A. Andros' comment is the second one down.
I agree that the Tiger tactic works to an extent. I think that as far as grades go, it works pretty well, basically forcing a student to get good grades, but the mental health of the child will be risked. Not to mention, forcing a child to get good grades is only a temporary fix. Lets say they get into Stanford because of their 5.0 gpa. Once their in college, their tiger mom will not be able to come. They will eventually need to be individual, pick a career and live life on their own. The Tiger mom will only get them into a good college, not get them a good job (requires an interview; mom can't come).
ReplyDeleteI also agree that being a Tiger parent only works to an extent. Parents should monitor their children and make sure they are setting high expectations. However, if a child shows good responsibility, the parent should back off. Students need to be self-reliant and need learn how to do things without their tiger parent watching.
ReplyDeleteThe article talked a lot about self esteem and parent-child relationships versus test scores. I think that the idea of moderate tiger parenting tries to find a middle road, because no parent wants their kid to hate them. Having certain rules like your parents do for your brother can be effective for some kids. My brother however, even though he is a sophomore in high school, does not understand the concept of such "no video games before homework" restrictions, and will spend hours figuring out the code to the padlock to the cabinet where his laptop is kept instead of doing homework. I'm not sure if stricter parenting would help, because he would just find a way around it. Maybe leniency would prompt him push himself once he sees his grades hit rock bottom and natural consequences come into play, rather than parent-imposed consequences that just make him hate our parents more. It depends on how much the parent can tolerate being hated, and on the nature of the kid. Sometimes tiger parenting can work, and sometimes kids do just need the love and self esteem from their parents.
ReplyDeleteI think that it is very important to draw a distinction between good, strong parenting and being a tiger mom. Wanting your kids to succeed and trying to help them to do that is not necessarily being a tiger mom. Some kids just need strong parenting, and they may for a time resent their parents for that, but in the end it will help shape them to become better member of society. Not all discipline is "tiger parenting", and of course some discipline is good. However, there is a very big difference between saying telling a kid that he can't play Xbox for a week and telling the kid to go outside and smash his own Xbox, a story which came out a few weeks ago.
ReplyDeleteHere's the video, and just to let you know the "father" in the video swears a few times: https://youtu.be/quGSjPprAQk
I think the 10,078 dislikes compared to the 3,257 likes shows the publics reaction to this kind of parenting quite well.
I just watched this video Daniel. In class this past week I've learned to read the comments, which can be quite enlightening. Here are some of my favorites
ReplyDelete"+AlienHead well, the most important thing a parent can offer to their child is helping them to success in life, whatever the cost is, only success is allowed. So I would do more just to have better grades."
"That's just disgunsting. Let's raise money to get him a new Xbox.. Maybe we also can raise money to buy him a new parent... :D"
"I would smash the dad with the hammer"
"it's probably fake CAUSE WHY WOULD THE KID SMASH THE XBOX? if anything the dad would've got smashed if this was real"
"-Forces him to smash his console
-Makes him feel traumatised
-Makes him cry
-Swears at him
-Putting it on the internet to shame him
-Abusing him
The title is "good parenting"
"Why not lock it up? Sell it? Use it for yourself as a new Netflix machine? Nope. You wanted the attention so you posted a video of your son destroying it because you knew you would get thousands of views."
I do agree that "Tiger Parenting" works, but only to an extent. The discipline can create ample motivation for children to pave their own paths to success. However, I believe that there are many other negative consequences that could ultimately cancel out the worth of their child's academic/future success. Not only will the relationship between parent and child be flawed, but other potential relationships may suffer too. Extreme Tiger Parenting sometimes involve monitoring the relationships of the child. When one is sheltered too much from other people, one suffers a lack in knowledge of how to interact with others. Or if the poor kid has no time away from his or her studies to socialize, their is a high risk of developing social awkwardness. A large part of future success and happiness is connected to being social.
ReplyDelete