Post-discussion just now, I was thinking about how my example (my mom got me into elementary advanced math through arguing and connections) was not exactly that of a tiger mom. Mr. Stewart mentioned that if your parents were pushed and are very satisfied with where they are now in life, they have every reason to do the same with you. My mom and I have never really discussed what her childhood and education were like, but the reason she pushed me into advanced math was that those who got in were chosen based on STAR test results, and she saw potential in more than just my standardized scores.
As a generalization, Asian-American first generation children are seemingly pushed harder because their parents most likely had to work themselves very hard. If you think about it, the 50s, 60s, and 70s were tough decades for the majority of Asian countries: Korean War, Chinese Cultural Revolution, Japanese recovery from WWII, Southeastern Asian countries trying to tidy up from the wrath of European colonization, etc. My dad was sent to the steel factories during the cultural revolution and did not go to high school. However, he self-studied his way to college and ended up at a very prestigious American graduate school, and is now living comfortably (I think). If he could get through such hardships, shouldn't his daughters be able to do well even more now, with all the resources and advantages in Silicon Valley? Again, as Mr. Stewart noted, "tiger parenting" stems from families that have enough money to pay for tutors and such, and the majority of families in the Bay Area seem to fit in that category.
Yet I've also noticed that my mom has gotten more lenient with age. What used to be explosions over an 88% on my fourth-grade math test is now just a subtle warning on a B+/A- overall grade in class. Maybe she isn't the type of parent who encourages her kids to relax all the time (mainly because my self-motivation is not as strong as she'd like), but at least she doesn't check SIS every single day (or does she? hmm....).
What are your guys' thoughts?
I would say the entire debate over how strict/lenient a parent should be on their child is ridiculous considering each person's circumstances are different. Naturally, there are many cases where there is an obvious right parenting decision (such as to not hit a kid). However, regarding whether a parent wants to enroll their children into presitigious schools before they are born or wants to buy an excessive amount of prep books (see "Charles Hung"), why spend the energy lamenting over how ludicrous they sound and instead accept that such things happen in the world.
ReplyDeleteSadly another thing that happens is that when my mom checks SIS and sees something thats not up to her standard she will try to "motivate" me to do better next time. This is ok, but the problem is when she checks SIS a hour later and says the same thing even harsher thinking its another assignment.
DeleteIt seems interesting how parents going through hardship will tie in with them pushing their children, and can lead to success. It seems like most successful people came from either lower or higher classes, and not much in between. In the late 19th/early 20th century, a lot of the new business tycoons were sons of immigrants, who believed in working hard for the American Dream. However, the opposite is also true. A lot of successful people are successful because their parents had connections. Look at the Kennedy's or Bush's. These politicians used their connections to gain more power.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Kevin that it really depends on the circumstances. However, I do think that the more strict a parent is, the more likely it is for their children to have serious anxiety. I think this article is really helpful:
ReplyDeletehttp://newscenter.berkeley.edu/2013/06/18/chinese-parenting/
It does talk specifically about Chinese parenting but I think many of the aspects are very general. One of the really sad things that stood out to me was when the author wrote that parents weren't there to love but there to make them food, wash their clothes, and push them. Though you want your kids to succeed, how far are you willing to go? To what extent can you really push them?
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ReplyDeleteI think that the parents' past is a big factor in how parents act toward their own children. For instance my grandmother on my mother’s side was an from an Italian immigrant family and grew up during the Great Depression. Her mother and father worked hard for what little they had and so nothing was wasted. The most prevalent example of this was that if my grandmother did not finish the food on her plate from dinner her mother would put it in the fridge and she would have to eat the food from yesterday before she would be able to have anything else. My grandmother's parents were overprotective and also forced her into being a teacher. When she became a parent to my mother she was determined to give her children a better childhood so she was very lenient toward my mother and her siblings. Because of this story and others shared in class I think that the way in which you are raised directly affects the way in which you choose to raise your own kids.
ReplyDeleteThe whole idea that "if I could do it, my child can too" is very common in many parents. One of the main goals of our parents is to make us better than they ever were. But, our somewhat successful parent's here in Silicon Valley don't realize that they themselves might be in a position that's not easily achievable or surpassable. Their dream child may not even resemble the type of person we want to be.
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